One of my Artists Deep Dive students wrote that in her introduction, and it spoke to me. This new year—I want to make changes, to pivot while staying true to my voice.
And what is my voice? Maybe I have too many voices….If I do this, I can't do that. There are so many options. Is that wrong?
I see work I admire and fall down a rabbit hole. It fits my concepts and I want to "be like that." But if I do, am I copying? Is it mine? Am I cheating? Will others see me as a fraud?
There are so many approaches, but I've realized my art isn't a flash of brilliance. If I'm lucky, it's a series of small breakthroughs—just enough to see the next step.
So it was time to step back. I wrote down the concept of a concept, built a framework, spent time with my Morning Pages as a brain dump, then mapped out tasks and their order. The first step was research. I built a folder of landscape images on my phone and iPad, then created a Pinterest board filled with art I admired that aligned with my vision.
In my sketchbooks, I started with Inktense blocks to recreate some of those scenes. What I made was not what I wanted—too much overwhelm, weak values, a scratchy mess. Then I repeated the same mistake several times, each time thinking myself a failure. I'm no good. I'm an imposter. I'll never make good art.
After my pity party, a few deep breaths, and a walk, I took two small steps. First: simplify. I converted the images to black and white, and suddenly I could see values, shapes, and lines. Second: use the images as they are. Don't innovate yet. As Austin Kleon says, "Start copying what you love. Copy copy copy copy. At the end of the copy you will find your self."
I copied a piece and finally saw something that could inspire me. I kept reading Kleon: "Imitation is about copying. Emulation is when imitation goes one step further, breaking through into your own thing."
I could take an inspiration and make it mine—canvas, paint, marks, stitch, collage. It's not gallery-worthy, but it's a pivot point.
Now I'm away from my studio, working with a small box of supplies and photos to begin again. And so the journey continues...
...make a sketch, make several, make bad sketches, make several bad sketches....Try them in fabric, again, and again...keep them as reference, make lots and more, and accept that somewhere, somehow, I'll be better next time.
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